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Humor

Humor

On The Sixth Day Of Christmas, Retro Gave To Me…

…a fan game from 1998.

Look, I know I skipped the first three days. And the fifth (which is actually the worst thing I could have done but more on that later). But here we are inching closer to that “Christmas Blast” and what better way to celebrate the holiday season than to boot up a classic featuring Sonic the Hedgehog AND Christmas! Yes folks, I’m talking about the vintage Sonic Robo Blast Christmas. Note that there is no “2” in the title. Oh yes, I’m going way back. To when people still used The Games Factory.

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Humor, Miscellaneous

Sackboy Sonic Houses Sega Secrets

This is too nice to really pass up.

Earlier today, Sega of America’s intrepid team of community people opened up a box sent to them by a fan.

While this should usually set off red flags and require the assistance of the San Francisco Bomb Squad, the package contained an adorable (and slightly creepy) Sackboy version of Sonic.

But the question arises as what the blue puppet contains in its belly…

In a video recording, Fabian Doehla jokes the secret plans for Shenmue 3 are hidden inside the stuffed animal’s zippered stomach.

However, what if this little critter inherits the demonic abilities of a certain other demented stuffed toy of the series? This could mean serious trouble for Sega of America and a fan plot far more heinous than anything concocted by upset Sonic fans. It’s possible the innards of the plush contain a soul devouring black hole, much like Ghost Pokemon Dusknoir.

Sonic Retro will attempt to reach out to Sega of America, assuming they have not all been devoured by potentially demonic powers residing in the toy.

Humor, Miscellaneous

Sonic 2sday Results! …On a Thursday

So now that we’ve gotten through the “proper hacking contest” that is such a pillar of the Sonic Retro world, it’s time we moved on to the contest that really matters. That’s right…The Sonic 2sday 25 Ring Challenge. Didn’t think I forgot, did you?

Now, I’m going to say something completely obvious here: I forgot that Emerald Hill Zone used the Starlight Zone music in this early build. And after watching video after video using that music…well, it almost works. Funny how that happens. But that’s not the point. The point is, you want to know who won. Who was able to run the fastest, collect the rings, and be a true “Super Sonic Dance Attack.”

Wait that doesn’t make sense. Doesn’t matter. Moving on!

With a grand total of eleven people entering this majestic contest, the “Grand Prize” winner was…
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Fan Works, Humor, Music

Walk on the Ceiling – Theme of Sonic the Hedgehog 4

As tribute to Takashi Iizuka’s hallowing vision of Sonic the Hedgehog 4, I’ve recrafted the beautiful lyrics of Reach for the Stars, and elevated them to new heights. Brand new, never explored, never walked-on heights, to create a theme song worthy of being called the theme of Sonic the Hedgehog 4. It is truly the Sonic 4 theme song as you imagined it. Real talk.

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Humor, Miscellaneous

Happy Sonic “2sday!” Can YOU beat the 25 ring challenge?!

18 years ago, the destiny of millions of kids (and a few hundred crazy Internet people) was forever changed with the release of Sonic the Hedgehog 2, arguably the hedgehog’s most successful outing to date. For those of us who were there from the beginning, the release of Sonic 2 was a homecoming unlike any we had imagined, and those eleven new zones became burned into our very souls (which is why we still can run through Emerald Hill Zone with our eyes closed).

Now, it’s no secret that Sonic 2 went through its fair share of developmental trouble, and there were plenty of zones that were left on the cutting room floor. Heck, even levels we’ve grown to love had vast changes as it was developed, as proved by the release of the vintage “Simon Wai beta” and the lesser known (but equally important) “Nick Arcade Prototype.”

The latter of those two was made for one purpose – to make fun of Melissa Joan Hart. Now to be fair, she was just a kid (we all were) running through a level she had never seen, and had no idea the spin dash existed (there was a world before 1992, people), but still, the urge to insult her run through the game is so tempting. And yes, she wasn’t the only one who played and failed the game on that show, but it isn’t as fun to make fun of a random girl we know nothing about.

This is where you, the Sonic Retro reader, comes in.
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Humor, Miscellaneous

Colors Pre-Launch Party: Sonic on a Zamboni

So, if you were in New York City’s Bryant Park this weekend, you probably enjoyed the festivities of the Sonic Colo(u)rs pre-launch party. Despite the rain, Cash Cash played a set, demo units of Colo(u)rs were available for both the Nintendo DS and Wii, and people wore those goofy pre-order Sonic hats–a swell time overall.

However, clearly the highlight of the action was what seems to have been terribly overlooked: Sonic the Hedgehog riding around on a Zamboni in Bryant Park. This made us realize, in a world of 18-wheeler simulators and theme park management games, among odder genres, there is no Zamboni sim game. Frankly, we need ICE RINK SMOOTHING HIGH SPEED ACTION STAGES, Sega. Where is Sonic Zamboni Riders? Sonic Smoothing Adventure? Tails Rink Patrol?

Or perhaps this is a teaser for a game yet to come.

(Seriously, though, more photos of the event are available at BuzzFocus.)

Humor

Sundays With Scratch & Grounder: Touching!

Hey, dummies!  We’re back!  We weren’t allowed on Retro until Scratch went to Racial Sensitivity Training.  He’s all good now.

Ba-ha-ha-ha!  I love all people!

[audio:https://www.sonicretro.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/scratchground_iphone_touched.mp3]