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Humor

A Tribute To The Most Frightening Moment of Childhood

So there I was, having a fun little romp through the Internet. Looking at a little known site called Reddit. You know, one of those “user submitted content” sites that are on the pulse of the world. And, as you can imagine, occasionally there’s something about Sonic the Hedgehog. Sometimes its new, sometimes its old, sometimes I wish I had never seen it. But this day…THIS day…well, there was a topic about a water cooler. And bubbles. So you can already guess where I’m going with this.

Ah, the underwater level. But this is not a fun romp through the underwater mazes Dr. Eggman has used. No, this is about…the song. The one that frightens the soul of mankind.
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Comics, Humor

How Archie Played The Games, Part Three: Of Pink And Metal Hedgehogs


People love anniversary issues in the comic book world. Every 25 issues, something intense has to happen. Something crazy. And with the 50 and 100 marks, it has to be even bigger and crazier. Sonic the Hedgehog is no exception to this rule, and his first anniversary issue wanted to be nothing but the biggest and best. Devoting an entire issue to one story, the crew at Archie comics decided to adapt Sonic’s other “best game ever,” the one and only Sonic the Hedgehog CD. And even though it features the Knothole Freedom Fighters, I can say right now that it stays far more faithful than Sonic’s last two outings in the world of game adaptations. With that said, was it any good? Did people care? How was Sonic‘s silver anniversary when all was said and done? Read on and find out, good sirs and madams!
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Humor

Return to Little Planet 3

Going in a bold, new artistic direction, Return to Little Planet 3 brings to the table everything that has been promised to us since the beginning of the hype for Return to Little Planet 2. DavidTL, eat your heart out!

Credit to Shadix for the find.

Comics, Humor

How Archie Played the Games, Part Two: Of Floating Islands

Issue 225 gets closer with every passing moment. Even though you can argue about the quality of the comic (and believe me, I’ve heard it all) you still can not deny that the fact the series has gone on this long is an amazing accomplishment. Every other series of its kind has quietly gone under, disappearing once their show/game/movie was out and done with. The Sonic series, even through the dark times, has been holding on, not only being the longest and most successful video game comic, but still one of Archie’s top sellers. The only good thing about making a comic based on a successful video game series is that there is no shortage of material, with at least one new game coming out each year. And hey, with twelve issues needing to be filled per year, who knows how much you can derive from one game? Two issues? Four? Seven?!

If you’re Archie, you’ll be lucky to fill one.
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Comics, Humor

“Sonic-Grams” Vol. 5: Fifth Anniversary Spectacular![tm]

It’s been away for a while, but it’s back to kick some butt in Wild Canyon! Well, not really. But after a hiatus of a couple weeks (for even I can only read the Archie sonic comic for so long) we are back for the Fifth Anniversary Spectacular![tm] of “Sonic-Grams!” Once again, letters from the golden age of the comic book series have been hand picked, tilled from the yard, and placed upon the table for your consumption. Let us give thanks to the proverbial comic book gods of the sky for giving us this bounty of questions directed to a blue hedgehog. Or we could all just go about our business and pretend none of this ever happened.

…eh, what would be the fun in that?
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Comics, Humor

How Archie Played the Games, Part One: Of Pinball and Echidnas

Sonic the Hedgehog has always been about the games. Say what you will about the comics, or the TV shows, or novels that feature tractors, but at the end of the day, Sonic the Hedgehog is a gaming franchise. While everything else can keep the icon in the public’s mind, SEGA has always been more concerned about how many units they can move than the plot of Sonic Underground. After all, that’s where they make their money. That’s where the state of the franchise is derived. That is what so many blogs and news sites focus on when they think “Sonic the Hedgehog.”

With Sonic’s 20th anniversary, there is going to be plenty of reflection on the franchise. I predict no less than fifty blog sites will put up “the top ten best Sonic games ever” that will feature the genesis games, Sonic CD, and Sonic Adventure in the top spots, with maybe the random “Sonic Advance” or “Sonic Triple Trouble” to break up the monotony. I know that, at least for me, I’m not going to sully the front page of this fine establishment with such a list. That is why I turn my attention for the moment on something that I am far too familiar with…the Archie Sonic the Hedgehog series.

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Community, Humor

Guess the Game: The Solution (and a Chance to Win!)

So, the more clever among you figured out the solution to yesterday’s post: all five posts are, indeed, from Sonic 3. So what’s the point, you say?

There has been a lot of handwringing among the community over the past few months about “the state of the fanbase”; how we’re all horrible people who have turned against each other and now are super! mean! bad! people! In fact, this is all because of Sonic 4 or Sonic Free Riders or because there was an abandonment of ~black eyes~! However, my point is this: there always was and always will be people who are angry or upset or dislike things amongst any group of people. They were around in 1990, 2000 and 2010. There are people who are going to try to take advantage of those things in order to make people even more upset. Some people relish in making others feel that the thing they enjoy as a hobby is lame; therefore, they expend all their energies on making people think they’re wasting their time.

That, of course, is a load of crap. Things have always been the way they are, but the only thing that matters is whether you’re enjoying yourself or not. The reason we at Retro stay around is because so much of making fun of things is not being afraid to make fun of yourself. Because we’re in a fandom that could spawn Shadow the Hedgehog 2 with Big and Froggy.

So, I’m proposing a contest: learn more about the fandom you’re a part of by reading some of its oldest posts, get a laugh and learn that it isn’t as bad as people freak out over. Some of the USENET quotes I posted were pretty great in “the more things change, the more they stay the same” sense, but there’s a ton of ironic posts, things which make no sense in a modern context, things which are creepy predictions of the future that came true. Submit your best pre-1997 Internet commentary concerning Sonic; we’ll take a look and our favorites will receive ~fabulous prizes~. Then again, it’ll be hard to follow up this gem in a 1990 post on rec.games.video:

>Sonic, the Hedgehog, Action, SEGA
>[SEGA’s answer to Mario and Bonk]

Actually I think SEGA already has SEVERAL answers to Mario and Bonk…
and their names are Shinobi, Wonder Boy, Alex Kidd, and Space Harrier…

To find old posts, check out Google Groups or fire up your favorite newsgroup client. Other forms of early communication, such as the rat.org mailing list, are also fair game if you can track them down. The contest ends March 1, 2011, so be sure to have your entries submitted through the comments section by then.

Community, Humor

Guess the Game: Sonic 3 or Sonic 4?

So, I don’t know if you all have heard, but the Sonic community is totally horrible, you guys. But there was a magical time when the community was different! Was better! A time when the community didn’t get at each other’s throats and hate each other and be full of pointless critiques!

That time, my friends, was never. If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve seen the stupidity of the Sonic scene since day 1. Therefore, I’m challenging you all to a game. I have pulled five random forum posts and posted them below. Your job? Determine whether each of these posts were made about Sonic 4, or its predecessor, Sonic 3. Please note that I’ve edited out information that would obviously give the game in question away, but they are otherwise intact. We’ll post the solution tomorrow. Continue Reading

Humor, Merchandise

Sega Freaks Out and I Have No Idea What to Do

As part of the work I do for Sonic and Sega Retro, I spend an inordinate amount of time hunting down rare merchandise and printed artifacts in order to improve the site. Find a Japanese Sonic Advance 3 guide, learn the official names of enemies and bosses, get a boxed copy of Sonic & Knuckles Collection from Korea and suddenly we have quality scans of a rare release, and so on. I was doing some shopping on a Japanese auction several weeks ago and saw a listing for “71枚 セガフリークス” for sale. セガフリークス, or “Sega Freaks,” is a Japanese series of collectible cards released in the Saturn era, featuring individual cards from games of the time like Sonic Jam, Last Bronx, Virtua Fighter 3, and Dragon Force. Collect all of the cards for a particular game, and the reverse side makes a large picture.

So, this auction is going for about one US dollar, and I figure I could scan the cards for the site, so I say “hey, why not?” This is where it gets a bit complicated. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Japanese, 枚 is a counter word for flat objects like pieces of paper or photographs, so I assumed the seller was selling 71 loose cards. The problem? They were using it to refer to 71 packs of Sega Freaks, each of which have 10 cards in them, so the package I wound up receiving?

Far more cards than I could ever possibly need. There are only 60 unique cards total in this entire shipment, so statistically, it won’t take me opening all of these packages to get all 60 cards. This leads to an interesting question: what should I do with all the rest of these cards? “Give them all to me!” is not what I’m looking for. What sort of interesting things could be done with this cheap bounty? The leading private suggestion I’ve received thus far is to film myself opening them all up to make collectors cry, but I’d prefer something more constructive that would benefit everyone.

(PS: Do I love misleading headlines? You betcha.)

Comics, Humor

“Sonic-Grams” Vol. 4: Who Wants To Dress Up As Knuckles With Me?

Here we are, week four! And maybe the actual week Sonic the Hedgehog #221 comes out. Seems release schedules aren’t as clear as they once were. Either way, we know the deal here – looking at letters fans like us wrote a decade and a half ago. They cover a wide range of topics, and while none of them are looking for Dr. Robotnik’s phone number…well…no harm in reading on anyway, right? Strap yourselves in – we’re up for one crazy rollercoaster of a ride.
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