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Humor
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Our friend Sonic the Hedgehog has been on a strange endorsement streak lately: yams, pickles, and even President Obama; I don’t know if the guy’s just hard up for the cash or just feeling blowback from the days when he told us more social messages, such as “saying no to racism.” Indeed, Sonic used to go on with his own public service messages, including smoking:
What’s baffling, though, is the recent discovery by forums member ::CMG (UTOPIA):: of Sonic candy cigarettes. I suppose he’s sticking to his original message of not smoking if they can’t be smoked, right? At least they are tasty 100%.
Every Sunday here at Sonic Retro, we’re takin’ ovah! We’re gonna be givin’ ya good advice and you’re gonna take it and LIKE it, ya big buncha dummies!
Yeah! BAH-HA-HA-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
So, I was browsing NicoNicoDouga earlier today looking for some specific footage that I ultimately was not able to find. That’s OK, though.
What I did find was much more awesome.
NicoNico user まっくろくろいの has made a series of videos involving Sega hardware and puns, which, of course, require hardware modifications to fulfill. The Saturn mouse becomes…a mouse. Saturns attempt to fly. Sense fails to be made.
You can catch several more of these videos uploaded to YouTube here or, if you have a NicoNico account, can see the full set here.
Today, Sonic the Hedgehog 1 turns 19 years old – and how should the hedgehog celebrate this milestone? Well, if you’re Japanese – by playing golf on your phone!
http://info.sonicretro.org/Sonic_Golf_DX
How will you celebrate the blue & spiky one’s final teen birthday? Let us know in the comments!
Finally, solid information about Sonic Colors! Clearly Sonic Team is on the right track this time.
As the webmaster of a video game website, I tend to get a variety of real-life mail related to the site, but most of it is incredibly boring: server bills, webhosting quarterlies, boring books of documentation. However, once in a very rare while I will receive something so incredibly amazing my sheer joy can’t be held back. So wonderful that I feel I must tell the entire Internet. And today, my friends, I received something just that wonderful.
(Click for full size)
The Sega Boozometer is a bar game to “test sobriety”–the player inserts a nickel and attempts to move a ring on a handle along a curved rail without the ring actually touching the rail. If the player succeeds, they get their nickel back. It’s a simple enough game, but it doesn’t appear to have been a popular one–in all the research I have done online and off (including quite a few snoozefests of old books and magazines), I have never come across this machine before now. I’d probably place the machine as having been manufactured somewhere in the mid-60s, possibly as late as 1969-70, though I would think the vaguely racist drawing in the top-left corner would have been removed if it were later than that. Bear in mind that such illustrations were par for the course for the industry back then (Seeburg in particular had some very offensive stuff in the 40s), so this is no cause to run around and call Sega racist.
In any case, it’s a neat bit of Sega history that had been forgotten before now; if on the off-chance you own one of these machines (or do a Google search and find this page years later), contact this site, as I’m eager for actual photos of the machine. Until then, I’m definitely framing this ad and keeping it above my liquor cabinet.
As of yesterday, it’s been fifteen years since we were introduced to the combination of technology, mismanagement, and gameplay that would make up the legendary Sega Saturn to us Americans. Remember the odd ads of the Saturn Girl and how our Rods and Cones were going to be blown away by the graphics and games? Let’s take the time to reflect on how much we were blown away.
We all remember the on-LSD marketing taken by SOA, featuring naked women representing game goddesses, bodybuilders using Saturn to underscore their success, our eyes reacting to the greatness. For the games, we were introduced to combinations of falling PS1s and A Clockwork Orange-esque crash test dummies demonstrating why you had to buy one. Of course no one did (Sony was on top of the invisible sphere that surrounds the Solar System) and the American launch was famously botched: to beat Sony, Sega released the console weeks in advance, with only one game ready for the American market. It pissed off gamers and developers, but those who decided to stick on were ready for a bumpy ride.
With Bernie Stolar at the wheel, we were treated to the epitome of the 3D action platform genre in full force. It was a shame most of the shit on the Saturn was never brought over to America, though when we did get a unique gem (Shining Force 3 part 1 was a 3D RPG, Mega Man 8 was a 2D side scroller, Sonic Jam and the Ages boxes were compilations) we didn’t hesitate to buy. But we still passed on the Saturn. So the question remains now: were we wrong? Was it the future of gaming?
Fuck no. Just get your barf bag and get on, because this 15th Anniversary is funded by Segata Sanshiro and Mr. Floating Old Head.
How can anyone forget the magic that was 1999? After five long years, the western audience of Sonic the Hedgehog was finally going to get what they asked for. Through the turbulent Saturn years, there was only one thing anyone asked for – a new, proper Sonic game. And on 9/9/99 (9/14/99 for all you Europeans) the western world was able to get their hands on a game that had already received rave reviews when it was released in Japan…nine months previous. The wait was unbearable, but we had the Internet. We had the magazines. We had the previews. We had the faith that the glitches and bugs would be cleaned up for us.
And we had Sonic Underground.
Well, we didn’t exactly ask for Sonic Underground. Sure, the idea of a new Sonic cartoon was alluring, but hearing that it had nothing to do with the old shows? That Tails was missing? Sonic was a prince and had two siblings, and they were in a band with magical instruments? Dr. Robotnik was going to be a sheriff? That Jaleel White was going to voice all three, including the sister?! It had to be some cruel, sick joke DiC was playing on the fans.
One that ended up on UPN, that is.
Granted, they dropped the “Sheriff” title before they animated the series, but the rest of it was still a gigantic mess. Never knowing what it wanted to be, Sonic Underground was torn between the early 90’s ideal of Sonic and the modern sensibilities the Adventure games were about to introduce, dooming the show before the first episode aired. Having 40 episodes produced in all, it let the series squeak by into syndication. Just enough to give the world one “rockin'” soundtrack.
Which is why Sonic Retro is proud to present “The Top Ten Worst (and Therefore Best) Sonic Underground Songs!” Crank up those speakers, and prepare to “Peanut Butter and Jam” with the best of ’em!